Everyone has at least one other person in the world that they call a best friend. For me, it's Elaine Higashi, the violin/piano/guitar-playing, tennis-ball-smashing, church-going, froyo-and-tea-loving, half Korean-half Japanese girl who studies Biomedical Engineering and Music at Cornell. In high school, we were inseparable, essentially living the same lives as co-captains, co-presidents, co-everything -- to the point that our mentor just labeled us "Behavioral Twins #1 and #2" (with me being #1, of course ;) ha! )
But, it's weird how everything changes once college starts.
For the first couple of weeks, staying in touch was easy. I knew the day when it first started snowing in Ithaca, NY because she texted me during her Chemistry class to tell me so, and also that she misses me. A few weeks later, I called her after something had gone down between my then-boyfriend and me, and told her that I miss her too. Weeks and months passed, and the frequencies of texts and calls gradually decreased to the point where I now learn more about her status quo from Facebook updates rather than hearing it from her herself. Is that a bad thing? Do I mind that? Do I blame either one of us for not maintaining the same relationship we had in high school? No, not really.
For the first few months of college, though, I had a really hard time accepting this. I kept on thinking, Did I just lose my best friend? And at the time, I felt like I was losing every other close friend I had in high school as well. Going from eating lunch with everybody everyday and grabbing froyo after school on a regular basis to having Facebook wall-to-walls that said, "Hey, haven't heard from you in a while!" "Yeah, whats up? I'm good." "Yeah man, I'm cool, too." And that was that. It took me a while to realize that all situations and relationships will inevitably change, and that things will probably not get back to how it used to be. But you know what, it's all good.
While I regret the fact that I didn't take the time to see Elaine more this summer, I do not regret the fact that, during the school year, we drifted our own separate ways. During the course of the past year, we were both placed outside our comfort zones in a place called 'college', a place we now had to make and establish as our own. It actually hurt me the first time I heard her call Cornell "home", but I got used to it, and now even understand it. I am pleased, but certainly not surprised, that Elaine has made herself active in so many activities at Cornell, including the Cornell Univ. Chamber Orchestra, church groups, and her sorority. But, I have busied myself with new (and old) activities too, including Barkada, work, and even going back to my high school's robotics team to help out from time to time. Elaine and I, we've developed different and unique new lifestyles from each other, far from the near-identical lives we lived back in high school. But frankly, as I reflect upon it now, I'd rather have it that way. I wouldn't want to hold Elaine back from doing any activities or meeting new people in NY, and I would expect that she'd feel the same way for me.
Through all these changes, though, it seems as if we still manage to keep in touch in some way or another. It's as if we're each other's tie back to "home", our "past". And that's not a bad thing. It's always good to stay grounded, to have a reality check every once in a while. It's not that bad to spend time apart; in fact, it's probably one of the healthiest things you can do from time to time in any relationship. Being distanced from each other makes me realize what and how much I actually value our friendship and actually makes me miss her when she's gone. And while I might have made it sound like Elaine and I don't talk anymore, that's not true. We text each other from time to time, always have some sort of wall-to-wall going on, and heck, we even call each other sometimes. Even though I mentioned above that I haven't seen my best friend since May, I definitely still talk to her, which is good, for both of us.
Elaine will be leaving to go back to Cornell in three days. Then she'll be there until December, most likely, and she will be coming back home. Home home. I'm sure she will acclimatize herself even more to Ithaca, and I really hope that she does. Whatever she does over there, I wish her the best always and constantly remind her that, whatever happens over there, she can still count on me to be here.
“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without ever growing apart.” - Elisabeth Foley